It's funny how many people say to me they're not ready for a baby once they talk to me about my pregnancy. They usually have a look on their face of fearful amazement.
Well, actually, I'm not ready either. I'm not ready to wake up to a crying baby every two hours instead of sleeping peacefully all night. I'm not ready to be spit up on everyday. I'm not ready to change poopie diapers. I'm not ready to give up my freedom. I'm not ready to live on a baby's schedule instead of my own. I'm not ready to give up my selfish ways. But it's happening. I don't think anyone is ever really ready.
I'm not saying you should go get pregnant right away even if you don't feel ready...because even though I'm not ready, I kind of am. I'm excited about this journey we're getting ready to embark on. I know it's going to be difficult and there will be days that I will want to rip my hair out and cry because of how exhausted and frustrated I am. I'm not ready...but I am. I know the moment I lay eyes on my little one it's going to be one of the happiest moments of my entire life. I know when I wake up in the middle of the night to a hungry baby, it'll be a special privilege to be able to give him/her nourishment. I know when I change a nasty diaper, it'll be to keep my baby healthy and comfortable. That's what I want. To really give myself to someone else, to my child. I want God to peel away the layers of selfishness that have built up over the years.
It's not going to be easy...and I'm not ready...I would much rather be spoiled for the rest of my life...but at the same time, I am ready. I'm ready to grow up...to love...to care for my child. And when you're ready, you'll know it too.
P.S. I began my second trimester today. Praise God! I have my next midwife appointment a week from tomorrow, so please pray for a healthy Baby Ace.