Early last week I had a sense of restlessness growing inside of me. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach and rising into my chest. My mood was all over the place and my patience was short, even with Liam. It didn't help that Alex was working late two nights in a row and that I had received an email from someone that had stirred up feelings of bitterness and resentment and that I was feeling a lot of pressure from people to make decisions I wasn't ready to make. Plus, Liam's sleep has been all over the place (as per usual) and when I'm sleep deprived, it's not pretty. I don't handle sleeplessness as well as other people do. I. Was. Done.
I had been looking forward to attending a book signing on Wednesday night with John and Sherry Petersik for their new book, 'Young House Love: 243 Ways to Paint, Craft, Update, and Show Your Home Some Love.' John and Sherry are the bloggers behind younghouselove.com which I have been following since Alex and I were married. We have a very similar aesthetic when it comes to home decorating and I have also enjoyed their personal blog posts about their family (adorable daughter, Clara and fur-son, Burger). Even though I had been looking forward to this book signing for months I had started considering not going. Why? Because I was tired and because Liam is going through an extreme mommy-phase right now in which he only wants me all the time, especially at night. I didn't want to leave him and have him go through a hard time without me. But as I said earlier, I was done. I told Alex that I would be going and not to call or text me about anything, I didn't want to know a thing about what was happening in my absence. I have an amazing husband because he was more than happy to oblige. He loves spending time with his son, especially one-on-one bonding time. He practically pushed me out the door.
I met up with some fellow younghouselovers at Books & Books and had a great time meeting John and Sherry and getting my book signed. On the drive home I felt so much lighter and happier. When I got home Liam was asleep in bed and he had had a great time with his dad. Sure he had missed me just a bit and gone to sleep way past his bedtime...but that really isn't such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. He was fed, bathed, in PJs, and sleeping soundly in his bed. I realized later that I had been experiencing mommy burnout. It had been weeks and weeks since I had been away from Liam at all. For weeks and weeks I was with him 24/7, literally. I love my son, but he's quite a demanding little toddler and I needed a break. Just those few hours away from the house and my high-needs son refreshed me and I have felt a lot better since then.
I have realized that I really need to work a regular break into my mommy schedule. I'm a stay-at-home mom, and happy to be one, but that means I am almost never away from my kid...I need some 'me-time.' I need time to decompress and do stuff that I enjoy without having to worry about a poopy diaper or a temper tantrum or sippy cups. Lesson learned! I'm a much better mother when I can get a break, even just a small one, on a regular basis so that I can come back home refreshed and ready to be all that Liam needs me to be.