The Weight of Motherhood
Sometimes I feel like the weight of motherhood is so heavy on my shoulders. I start feeling like I can't breathe and I won't be able to last another second without collapsing into a crying mess on the floor. The responsibility is too great. There's so much at stake and I will somehow fail at the one task I am dedicating my life to. I feel like no one could possibly understand or commiserate with me. I feel as if I am just not cut out for the job.
Sometimes people call Liam malcriado or grosero (spoiled/rude). And it hurts me deep in my soul. It hurts to hear anyone say anything negative about your child, but especially when they give him a bad label. I don't want Liam to hear the words, "You are spoiled/mean/rude," and then internalize those labels. Does he do things that are rude? Yes. But he's also a year and half and hasn't had much time on this earth to figure out what 'rude' is. I would rather say to him, "what you are doing right now is rude," and go on to explain to him why his behavior is rude and correct him. But again, he's a year and a half and won't always understand these concepts. He will make mistakes. I try to remember that and be patient with him. I try to remember that when someone calls him a name, but it's hard...and it hurts...and I take it to heart. Because he's my child. And I don't want anyone putting him down...and I don't want anyone putting my parenting down. Again, I feel like I'm failing. Like if I was a better parent he wouldn't do these things. And I feel the weight of motherhood on my shoulders get a little heavier.
I wish people would be more supportive. I wish people would pay more attention to the words that come out of their mouths. I wish people would remember what it's like to be a young parent...or that babies and toddlers are not perfect...or that we all make mistakes. When I think about this weight on my shoulders I remember the verse that says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” And I pray that I can trade my burden for the Lord's and breathe just a little bit easier.