the truth

I had originally planned to share a post about our one year anniversary of moving back home to Miami...but I don't think I'm ready to share about that. There's still so much to sort through in my mind. So instead I'm sharing a little bit of my truth in my experience as a mom... I wrote it tonight as I was sitting next to Liam at bedtime. It's nothing special but I want to remember this when I'm going through hard times...  

I'm not gonna lie... I often have a hard time accepting all the sacrifices that come along with being a parent. I cringe every time my sleep is interrupted. I lament over not having any disposable income. I feel a tiny bit bitter that I can't do what I want when I want. I sigh over every diaper change, stretch mark, extra pound on my hips, temper tantrum... But when I look at my kids my heart swells. Sometimes I think there's no way I can handle so much love radiating from every fiber of my being. I think I'm going to burst into tears and hug them until they just can't take it anymore. 

I'm not gonna lie... I often wish for the years to pass quickly so I can have a bit more of my life back (y'know, without wiping butts and whatnot)...but then there are moments sprinkled in throughout the day that I want to bottle up and keep forever. Moments that I wish would never end. Moments that I will always remember and cherish deep in my heart. 

So I'm stuck in an internal struggle...I want to press fast forward and pause all at the same time. I hope one day I can let go of all the selfish bitterness that's trapped in my head and heart and just embrace the beauty of motherhood, because there really is so much beauty.