finding my parenting sweet spot
Lately I feel like I survived something. I survived the "early years." I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am not a big fan of babies. There's just something about the baby years that feels so frantic. You're walking around in a sleepy fog covered in spit up and your house smells like poop. The baby is constantly up and crying and you can't figure out what in the world they want. It's maddening.
Maybe that hasn't been your baby experience, but it's certainly been mine. There were so many days when I just felt weary. I was tired and wondering what happened to my life. It felt like I would be stuck in an endless cycle of weariness. But, as Rach Kincaid said recently, "weary is a season, it's not our identity."
I can personally attest to that sentiment. Now that my kids are just a little bit older I'm feeling a little less weary these days. That's not to say we don't have our struggles, the "threenager" struggle is real! But it just doesn't feel as crazy. Things have slowed down. My kids are little more independent. I have the ability to sit and write this while my son is at school and my daughter is playing independently. It's nice.
I feel like I have found my parenting sweet spot. This toddler/preschool stage is fantastic. One thing that I always worried about previously was that I wasn't enjoying motherhood. I was merely surviving. And it's okay to be in survival mode, having two kids back to back warrants that, but I didn't want to stay there. It's easy to wave the little white flag and live everyday just trying to get to bedtime in one piece. It's easy to fall into a pattern of self-pity and resentment. I had to decide to let go and let Jesus work in me. I had to call out to Him. I can't tell you how many times I've had to just stop, close my eyes, and say, "Lord, I can't do this without You. I need YOU." And He is so good to calm my heart and show me the way.
These days I am enjoying motherhood more than I ever have. I look at my kids and I feel grateful for their lives. I feel grateful for their personalities and their chubby cheeks and sticky kisses. Motherhood is sweet. The crazy baby season is fading and we're entering a new stage. When people tell you, "this too shall pass," it's really true. So hold on to that hope. Keep looking for your parenting sweet spot, I'm sure you will find it.