Originally I wanted to do a fun little post for today. "30 Thoughts on Turning 30." But I got to, like, number 22 and I was done. I don't really have a lot of thoughts on entering this new decade. Mostly I'm experiencing fear and panic.
Okay, so it's not that bad, but there's definitely something about turning 30 that calls for introspection and reflection.
I'm a little sad about leaving my 20s behind. I know it's not the end of the world. My rational side understands that I have a lot of life left to live. But then there's the irrational side (c'mon, we all have one). That side keeps making me feel like I'm leaving behind a big part of my youth. The 20s are such a defining time. I feel like the 20s represent so much promise and opportunity, whereas the 30s have more of a "settling in" vibe. I could be wrong, but that's the impression I have.
I did a lot in my 20s. I graduated college and seminary, got married, moved around to a few different states, had two babies, started freelance writing. It's been an exciting decade. I worry that my 30s will be, well, boring. There's nothing really new and exciting on the horizon. I worry about being "just a mom." I worry that surrogacy will be my last big adventure. I worry that I won't find my true passions. I worry about living a life that doesn't mean anything.
But along with these very depression thoughts ;-) I also have trust. Because even though my brain wants to tell me that I'm all washed up, my heart tells me something different. I don't know what's in store for me in my 30s - life is unpredictable - but I know it's going to be good. I know God's plan is greater than any I could ever ask or imagine.
I have absolutely no clue what to expect for the coming years. I have no plans. I have barely any expectations. And as scary as that is for me, it's a little exciting too. I'm walking into my 30s with blind faith. God is going to rock my world, that's for sure. I can only hope that I will be open to any lessons, adventures, truths, obstacles, and opportunities I am presented with.
So here's to turning 30. Let's do this, people.