getting out of my own way

Lately I've been feeling a little lost and pretty useless. I could tell you all the reasons why but they don't truly matter. Suffice to say that I felt like I was falling short in every area of my life. When I start feeling that way I can head into a downward spiral pretty quickly. It's easy for me to think that I have no purpose and my life is going to be one big meaningless mess of blah. I know, I'm so melodramatic. 

I had a coaching session with Rachael Kincaid recently (this lady is a gem, total spirit animal) and I started realizing my potential. And I also started realizing that I need to get out of my own way. Not to sound like a total snob, but I know God has gifted me in many ways. I see my talents and giftings and passions...and I want to acknowledge them. I want to nurture them. I want to cultivate them. Rachael encouraged me to think up some themes to focus on for the rest of the year. After some reflection and prayer I came up with these two: openness and unity. 

Openness. I want to be more open. I tend to be a very closed off person. I put up a wall. I'm not very friendly and I don't open up to people. I'm not vulnerable. I don't take chances or risks.

I don't want to be that. I want to be open to new opportunities and God's plan for my life. I also want to be more open to people. I'm not saying I'm going to be everyone's best friend, but I do want to open myself up to others for the purpose of building true community. We need each other, y'know?

Unity. When Alex and I get stressed we tend to separate and go at each other instead of coming together to face problems head on. I want to be more united with my husband and have a stronger marriage. We are for each other and we need to remember that. I also want to unite with other women to encourage and learn from each other. Women, we should be each other's biggest cheerleaders. Gossiping and maligning and "one-upping" and drama is all just a waste of time.

Moreover, I want to let go of anything that divides. Bitterness, cynicism, fear, the need to be "right" all the time - these things cause division. They separate me from God and people. I want to let these things go for the purpose of unity. 

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So I'm slowly formulating a plan and seeking God. I'm praying and writing and reading. I'm getting inspired and making changes. Only God knows where all of this will lead, but I do know that if I delight myself in the Lord He will grant me the desires of my heart. So I'm holding on to that promise and trusting that God will come through.